40. Andy Becomes a Father
Andy arrives at Merlotteâs with Maurella, who looks even more pregnant than before. Andy needs to talk to Holly, but before he leaves Maurella he brings her a box of salt, which she drains like itâs a Cajun margarita. Jane Bodehouse is at the bar (trust her to be at Merlotteâs as the world is falling apart ⌠if she stays drunk enough, sheâll never notice whatâs going on around her), and she asks Andy if they have ever had sex. This is bad timing for Andy, who is trying to talk to Holly to clear the air and rebuild their relationship. Andy explains that he cares for Holly more than anyone he has ever known. Holly wants to know how many times he has seen Maurella, and as he starts to explain, Maurella screams. Her âlightâ broke. Sheâs going into labor.
Holly jumps into action and acts as a midwife as Maurellaâs labor hits her hard. The odd thing is that her labor sounds more like an orgasm than hard labor. âWho knew watching an alien give birth could be so comforting?â Arlene muses. Lafayette sips his drink beside her. The weird stuff is always the best to watch, he points out.
Through it all, Maurella is quite calm â this is her 73rd pregnancy, after all. She hits a very high, very long note, and out pops a healthy baby girl, sans umbilical cord. Holly hands the baby to Andy, who beams like a proud papa even though the circumstances arenât exactly normal. Holly turns back to Maurella, her eyes wide. Hold it â theyâre not done.
Arlene and Jane watch the births as if theyâre at the Bon Temps High School football game. Itâs like a spectator sport. Thereâs something interesting about Maurellaâs moaning, though. Arlene sagely tells Jane that giving birth isnât like that for normal red-blooded humans. After the fourth baby is delivered â another girl â Maurella sits up, smoothes her dress back over her once-again perfect form, and then she tells Andy that itâs his job to raise the girls, with the hope that at least half will make it to adulthood. Holly casts a stern look at Andy as he tries to grasp his new situation. âYouâre a dick,â she tells him.
And thatâs how Andy became a father of quads.