Historical Roasts: 6 hypothetical roast candidates for season 2

Netflix may never have a season 2 of Historical Roasts starring Jeff Ross. Still, what historical figures might make an interesting roast?

Given how easily Netflix can cancel shows (Daybreak and MST3K, for example), it’s far from certain that Historical Roasts will enjoy a season 2. In fact, given the polarizing nature of insult comedy and our hypersensitive age, it seems any such series might not last, even if it strives to walk the tightrope. Nonetheless, let’s imagine who could grace season 2.

Keep in mind, these are mere suggestions, and I acknowledge there are many other figures who could be magnificent choices (admittedly, the list isn’t as multicultural as one could imagine). Still, the six candidates below should be considered interesting contenders, representing various fascinating moments in world history.  Here are the selections:

1. Edgar Allan Poe

Arguably the original master of the macabre, there’s a lot of humor potential in assessing his life. For example, he married his 13-year-old cousin when he was 26. While that may have been more common in Poe’s day, it definitely wouldn’t withstand scrutiny today. Plus, his classic poems and tales offer plenty of wordplay potential, and one can imagine him being roasted by other icons in the literary/horror/mystery story world.  Basically, take your pick!  Poe is truly an iconic literary figure, with his poems and short stories retaining their freshness to this day.

2. H. G. Wells

Often considered the father of science fiction, Wells was a true visionary. While most of us think of sci-fi aliens originating in the 1940s and ’50s, The War of the Worlds was written clear back in 1898!  His other great fictional works include The Time Machine and The Invisible Man.  His predictive powers were also pretty impressive, as this Independent article notes.

That all aside, he also married his cousin. Wells could be roasted by people like Jules Verne, Doc Brown (the character from Back to the Future), Albert Einstein (who praised his book, A Short History of the World), and there could be a special appearance by Florence Deeks, the Canadian teacher who falsely accused H. G. Wells of plagiarizing her history manuscript.

3. Wyatt Earp

Famous for the shootout at the O.K. Corral of 1881, Earp was a great many things: Lawman, buffalo hunter, saloon keeper, miner, boxing referee, gambler, and brothel keeper. Earp could be roasted by Doc Holliday, boxers Bob Fitzsimmons and/or Tom Sharkey (a fight which Earp is sometimes accused of rigging), Bat Masterson, or any number of his gun-toting opponents from the O.K. Corral.  Earp has obviously become a legend over time, so it might be fun to pick that legend apart, separating fact from myth.

4. Emma Goldman

Would Historical Roasts include a historical anarchist? Possibly, and Emma Goldman is one of the most iconic leaders of those. While many people still bash anarchists as foolish and too utopian, Goldman was nevertheless far ahead of her time in many ways. In addition to bashing governments left, right and center, she advocated for free love, contraception, anti-racism, and even defended the rights of gay men and women (virtually unheard of in her day).

Her roasters could be fellow radicals like Karl Marx, Mikhail Bakunin, Peter Kropotkin. Of course, the roast ought to include J. Edgar Hoover, who deported her under the so-called ” Anarchist Exclusion Act,” which sought to deport anarchists, people with epilepsy, beggars, and importers of prostitutes.  While the government booted her out, Emma Goldman nevertheless earned surprising respect, even back then.  In addition to being brash and outspoken, she had the ability to gather a crowd.

5. Elizabeth Báthory

This Hungarian noblewoman and serial killer would be an absolutely amazing roast! In fact, there’s almost no way Jeff Ross and crew could ruin this one. Roasters could include the equally infamous Vlad the Impaler, Count Dracula (and/or Dracula author, Bram Stoker), husband Ferenc Nádasdy, King Matthias II, and Jesuit scholar László Turóczi. Turóczi created the first written accounts of Bathory’s infamous crimes, but may have incorrectly accused Báthory of bathing in servant girls’ blood, leading to her legendary name of “The Blood Countess.”

6. Jimi Hendrix

How could Jimi Hendrix not be a Historical Roasts candidate? He revolutionized guitar playing, rock music, and popular music in general. He could be roasted by icons like Muddy Waters, Sam Cooke, and Chas Chandler (bassist for The Animals who helped Hendrix land a contract). Another great option would be Francis Scott Key, whose “Star-Spangled Banner” would be famously reinterpreted by Hendrix during his performance at Woodstock.

Another obvious option would be to have members of the 27 Club there (that is, famous artists who died at the age of 27, like Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Jean-Michel Basquiat, and Kurt Cobain).

What do you think of these Historical Roasts suggestions? (Keep in mind that they’re mere suggestions, not meant to be taken very seriously.) Let us know in the comments!