Insatiable season 1, episode 7 recap: ‘Miss Magic Jesus’


The Miss Magic Jesus pageant gave us the most awkward moment of Insatiable yet–seriously, it’s awful.

Insatiable really outdid themselves in this episode in the most horrifying way possible. But before we get to that moment, let’s start from the beginning. In the last episode, Dixie (ugh) recorded Patty and Christian going to third base, and Barnard managed to get the sex tape in order to blackmail Armstrong. Patty eventually confessed to Pastor Mike who was impressed with her ability, to be honest about the tape and allows her to stay in the running for Miss Magic Jesus.

Unfortunately for Patty, Stella Rose is a judge on the panel for Miss Magic Jesus, and in an attempt to take Patty down she introduces a new aspect for the contest–a Bible trivia quiz. Patty needed to cram but couldn’t find a partner to help her out, which is not really surprising considering she’s not the most generous person herself.

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In a surprising turn of events, it is Angie who ends up helping Patty out. And then there’s the hot mess that is Magnolia. Now two boyfriends have been lost to Patty, and she is not handling it very well. To help Magnolia out, Barnard cuts a deal with Stella Rose to get the answers to the quiz so she can win.

And now, the most uncomfortable few minutes of a series, possibly ever. When the Miss Magic Jesus pageant began, they kicked things off with a song performance. But the song was all kinds of offensive and the attempt to satirize is a constant fail because it just spills over into the territory of obscene and horrendous. Here are some of the lyrics from the song:

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"“Oh, Spirit, please ride me. Please, please, please, please ride me. Deep, deep, deep in my Holy Father. I think I love you.”"

Yup. Nothing else can be said about this because it’s self-explanatory on just how bad it is. Sigh. After the disastrous performance, Patty ends up winning over the crowd by talking about her abandonment issues which resonate with the crowd in an unexpected way. However, it’s Magnolia that ends up winning the title.

Armstrong learns that Roxy is Stella Rose’s daughter, and starts to wonder if she may be his daughter because time wise it actually makes sense. He finds a way to steal her DNA (via her sweat-filled towel from the gym), and send it off to get analyzed. But Armstrong isn’t the father–Barnard is. He slept with Stella Rose after Armstrong and she hooked up, which was Stella Rose’ way to exacting revenge on Armstrong.

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Barnard ends up ratting out Magnolia to Armstrong, which takes the title away from her and goes to Patty who was the first runner-up. Sadly, Magnolia heard the entire conversation and punishes herself by getting drunk and taking pills. Barnard finds her lying unconscious in her room by the end of the episode.

And then the cliche moment made an expected appearance in Insatiable that probably should have already happened. Pastor Mike says Christian has to go away to military school, and in turn, Christian asks Patty to run away with him. Leaving behind notes for her mom and Armstrong, she heads out on the open road, unaware of the title she is now in possession of.