I May Destroy You Season 1, Episode 4 recap: Condoms and consent

The fourth episode of I May Destroy You Season 1 starts with Bella in a therapy session. She’s trying to learn how to cope with her trauma through whatever means necessary. Apparently, her book agency has agreed to pay for a therapist, but they still expect her to meet the deadline for her first book draft.

Whenever she’s in a setting that triggers a memory of her assault, Bella tries to remind herself of all the “big” problems in the world — the war in Syria, children dying of starvation, those who live without smartphones, etc.

Her therapist tries to get her to understand she needs to spend as much time as possible caring for herself, and not simply brushing aside the bad and ugly thoughts.

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Later, she meets up with a guy named Zain who was assigned by her bosses to help Bella get on track with her book.

Zain is a condescending jerk who belittles Bella’s talent because she got famous off of Twitter while he spent years studying Creative Writing at Cambridge before getting signed to a publishing house.

Still, the two have some mutual attraction as they wind up having sex. Unfortunately, this is where things get tricky. Half-way through intercourse, Zain removes his condom without telling Bella. It’s a form of coercive rape and lack of consent to do so.

As The AV Club recapper pointed out, Bella was trying to have fun and feel normal again when Zain stole her moment of agency.

They also added, “but like Terry’s threesome last week, this is another coercive sexual situation that doesn’t make itself immediately clear,” which I thought was a valid observation.

Bella doesn’t seem all that bothered when she finds out, although she does make Zain pay for the pill to cover all their bases. I wonder if it’s something she will have to deal with at a later date?

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I May Destroy You Season 1, Episode 4 recap: Kwame meets a guy from online

Speaking of condoms, the question of condoms and consent comes up again in the other main plot of the episode which revolves around Kwame, his new love interest Damon, and a guy he meets online while seeking a “third.”

Damon is interested in Kwame but unwilling to label himself just yet. He’s obviously nervous about having sex with another man. As a way to potentially put him at ease, Kwame suggests inviting a third partner into the equation so Damon can watch them have sex.

The meeting is almost unbearably awkward to watch since it becomes clear early on that Damon isn’t entirely comfortable with the situation. He stays for a while as dating app guy – Malik, and Kwame flirt and fool around.

Malik first raises a red flag when he tells Kwame he wants to have sex bareback — without a condom. Kwame isn’t interested in that and he puts his foot down. Malik is visibly annoyed, but relents and gets a condom anyway.

Then the two of them start having sex. At that point, Damon gets a little too uncomfortable and decides to head out.

It seems like everything went okay with Kwame and Malik the rest of their time spent together until Kwame tries to leave. First, Malik begs him to stay repeatedly and then slams the door on his finger when he tries to go.

He then forcefully shoves Kwame onto the bed and pulls his pants down, vigorously humping him from behind as Kwame begs for him to stop. It’s extremely difficult to watch as Malik assaults Kwame, but I can understand why I May Destroy You thought the instance was an important one to portray.

Just because these two men had sex doesn’t give Malik any kind of ownership over Kwame’s body, the moment he expressed discomfort Malik should have stopped, but he took what he wanted by force.

Poor Kwame is visibly shaken as he leaves and calls Bella, who appears to be in a good mood while hanging out with Zain. He sheds a tear as he talks to her, opting to not say what just happened to her.

It marks the second time one of Bella’s friends have been assaulted in some way and they’ve neglected to mention it to her. Why is that?

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What did you think of I May Destroy You Season 1, Episode 4? Why do you think Kwame chose not to say anything to Bella? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

I May Destroy You air Monday nights at 9:00 p.m. ET/PT on HBO. You can also watch via the HBO Max and HBO apps.

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