Comedy Central's Broad City season 5 premiere recap: Stories

Kicking off the final season of Broad City, Abbi and Ilana take to the streets of New York City, as told through the lens of Instagram stories.

(Most of this episode is told in short clips as if you’re watching Ilana’s Instagram story of their journey.)

This episode of Broad City opens with Abbi and Ilana getting hyped about celebrating Abbi’s 30th birthday. They plan to walk from the top of Manhattan all the way to the bottom. Before they leave, they take the opportunity to flaunt their walker style for their viewers.

Starting in Astoria, Ilana is already tripping trying to walk in the shoes she’s chosen. There are clips of them on the subway, people watching and goofing around by a guy who’s fallen asleep.

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When the subway gets stuck (shock), Ilana takes the opportunity to give Abbi a present she made. It’s a video ode to Abbi’s ass. There are clips from every place imaginable: Abbi at work, on a plane, in an elevator, even at a funeral—any time Ilana could get a video of Abbi’s butt, she did. (Including talking Abbi into a sneaky hug so Ilana could reach the phone behind Abbi and catch a clip.)

The two make it to Inwood and check out (the outside of) the Morris-Jumel Mansion and go eat at Red Rooster. Abbi manages to drop her phone in her food while trying to take a pic. After they eat, Ilana provides commentary for Abbi using her fingers as a pretend figure skater, with the table as her rink.

Back out on the street, someone offers to braid their hair. Abbi, of course, refuses, but Ilana gets one crazy long, skinny braid down her back.

They continue their walk and Ilana pesters Abbi to say how she feels about being 30. Abbi admits that she thought she’d be married with kids by now. Ilana tries to convince her this is better but doesn’t really do that great of a job.

While trying to make fun of Abbi for running into a pole, Ilana isn’t looking where she’s going and falls down a manhole. Don’t worry though, that Instagram game is strong and she never stops rolling on her Insta-story. However, she’s too hurt to climb out and film at the same time, so Abbi goes down and carries her up.

Ilana’s ankle is bruised and bloody, but she refuses to go to the doctor. They have to keep walking.

They go into a store and Ilana rolls around in a motorized scooter. Abbi spends an unusual amount of time looking at school supplies, but they eventually get Ilana some bandages (but not before singing happy birthday to one of the clerks in the store).

Ilana is bandaged up and has gotten herself a knee scooter and is good to go.

They go to a shoe store in a mall and Ilana limps around trying on different shoes. Not looking where she’s going, Ilana runs her scooter into a display and knocks over a bunch of shoes. They cleaned it up, though.

Abbi says she’s going to buy Ilana shoes and the guy at the checkout tries to talk Abbi into getting a store credit card because the shoes will be cheaper this way. She tries to reason with herself that it’s normal for adults to have more than one credit card. So she gets it.

But as soon as she does, she has immediate regrets it.

Outside the store, Abbi’s credit card info has been stolen, so she’s on the phone with the card company. Broad City doesn’t get too deep into that phone call, because they come across a small child, Gadanna, sitting alone with no parent in sight. So they hang out with little Gadanna for a while.

The two eventually decide they need to take the child to security. Along the way, Abbi starts to think about the fact that Gadanna is an age where she could be her own child. Seeing a perfect opportunity for a cute photo, they decide to kiss Gadanna on the cheeks. Right on cue, Gadanna’s mom shows up.

Apparently, the mom knows Abbi from college and is furious with her. Abbi tries to argue that Cheese (the mom—Abbi can’t remember her real name) should keep better track of her children, but Cheese tells Abbi to grow up. Cheese calls security on them and they have to run for it (or scoot for it, in Ilana’s case).

Back on the street, Abbi’s fuming that she was called a pedophile by Cheese because Cheese thinks she’s better than her. Abbi grabs a bike and the two go meet Lincoln, Jaime and Jaime’s new boyfriend for food.

Lincoln’s got a Happy Birthday Abbi shirt on and the group sneakily records happy birthday video messages for Abbi while she’s in the bathroom. The whole group is getting drunk, to the point that Lincoln is going to fall asleep in the restaurant.

Ilana goes to find Abbi and finds her in the bathroom, sad.

After perking up Abbi’s spirits with the video messages, Ilana and Abbi keep heading down Manhattan. They take a second by the water to reenact the Jack and Rose spin from Titanic and Ilana loses her phone into the water. After a brief freakout, they agree to just use Abbi’s phone to keep recording their day.

They pause at Trump Tower to issue a few choice words and gestures.

Abbi and Ilana finally make it to the lower tip of Manhattan and sit to chat. They don’t have a chance, though, because here comes Cheese. She’s been following them thanks to Ilana’s story which documented each location they went to. She tells them they need to get over themselves. But Abbi and Ilana fight back saying that just because she has her life together doesn’t mean she can hate on them.

Cheese confesses that she’s struggling in her life and floundering. Abbi reassures her (and re-learns that her name is Linsey, not Cheese). They finally make up. But before they can bond too much, Linsey hears her kids crying for her and storms off.

Still not looking where she’s going on her scooter, Ilana accidentally runs over Abbi’s phone on the ground.

As they turn to leave, they see a wonderful sight: A triple rainbow. They lament about not being able to record it but eventually decide to just enjoy it. They finally have a moment away from their phones where they can actually enjoy the world around them.

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This episode of Broad City ends with Abbi and Ilana back home on the couch where they talk about how they spent so much time documenting the day, they can barely remember what happened. They decide to take a break from social media.

What did you think of the Broad City premiere? What are you excited to see in their last season? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

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