This Is Us Recap: “Number One”

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Easily one of the best episodes of This Is Us and a showcase for how strong a performer Justin Hartley is, “Number One” kicks off the three nights with The Big Three. Focused entirely on Kevin, it’s disheartening to watch the beloved actor struggle with his addiction while all of his fans ignore it. While the oldest son has always attracted the ire of many fans due to his lack of characterization, this episode goes a long way to fill in some of the holes in his backstory.

After going on a bender in his hotel room, Kevin seems to have finally hit a new low. Isolated from his friends and family, he has nothing left to do other than accept an alumni award from his old school after Kelly, the persistent organizer, gives him a call. However, he’s clearly not in the right head space to be talking to a bunch of impressionable teenagers, and the event is destined to be a disaster. It’s made even worse when he returns to his old stomping grounds and realizes he’s out of painkillers. Slowly crashing and surrounded by memories of his childhood, Kevin begins to unravel.

Ron Batzdorff/NBC | 2017 NBCUniversal Media, LLC

In the past, it’s shown how the teenage Kevin was adored by everyone in high school, but an arrogant brat at home. He has difficulty accepting his father’s alcoholism, which causes him to lash out, and is so confident in his football abilities that he’s rude to the coach visiting from the University of Pittsburgh. He stopped caring whether his dad and brother are at his games, because the entire high school would always be there cheering for him. Why bother being polite to a school like Pitt when he knows that Notre Dame will eventually come knocking on his door? However, underneath all of that angst is just a scared teenager who wants his parents to be proud of him and who is still grappling with the idea that they aren’t perfect.

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Back in the present, Kevin is behind the stage waiting to receive his award despite looking like a mess. Vulnerable and emotional from the drugs, he imagines his dad — rather than his high school football coach — giving a speech about how proud he is of his first son. It’s a heartbreaking scene, and Justin Hartley perfectly captures the desperation that Kevin has over never truly reckoning with his father’s death. It’s a moment of shame, as he wonders if his father would be proud of him as he succumbs to a similar addiction. When he gets up on the stage to accept his award, “Number One,” has another truly depressing moment when Kevin admits to being a broken man. Yet the crowd doesn’t care. In fact, he could have gotten up on that stage and admitted to murdering someone and still gotten cheers. None of these people care who Kevin Pearson is outside of the fact that he’s a good-looking movie star who’s visiting their school.

After downing as much of the watered down wine as possible and rebuffing the advances of a former nerdy classmate turned charitable plastic surgeon, Kevin makes his way to the football field. In a scene which will probably earn Justin Hartley some Emmy recognition, he breaks down giving a monologue about the moment where his life went wrong. He acknowledges his place in the world as the dumb jock or the dumb actor, and looks back on the time where his football injury dashed all hopes of getting a scholarship. Despite losing football, he does get to keep the ability to walk just in time to stand at his father’s funeral. To cope with that death, he marries Sophie only to cheat on her in Los Angeles. He’s rewarded for this terrible behavior by booking The Manny, only to breakdown publicly and quit the show. Once he’s off the sitcom, he wins Sophie back and books a big movie deal but has allowed painkillers to take down his life. Kevin has consistently sabotaged himself, and over time, he’s rewarded with something even better. “Number One” shows that Kevin has always been struggling to cope with life, but his success has made everyone look at him with rose-colored lenses. They don’t see the pain he harbors, just the smile and success he wears on the outside.

Ron Batzdorff/NBC | 2017 NBCUniversal Media, LLC

Kevin hits a new low in “Number One” when it’s revealed that he did eventually return to sleep with his former classmate Charlotte in hopes that she had some painkillers at her house. She doesn’t, but she does have some prescription pads, so Kevin grabs one and makes a beeline for the pharmacy. When two cops enter, he goes to grab his father’s medallion for reassurance but realizes that he left it at Charlotte’s house. He runs back there and she refuses to look for it after the way he’s treated her. Poor Kevin breaks down crying on her lawn, begging for someone to help him in the best scene of the season. This woman, who is supposed to be a doctor, overlooked the clear signs of drug use just to sleep with her high school crush and wants nothing to do with him now that she’s gotten what she wanted. All of these adoring fans that Kevin have really don’t care about him, and the poor guy is desperate for anyone to look at him long enough to realize that he needs help.

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By the end of “Number One,” Kevin finally gets up the courage to go to Randall’s house to ask his brother for help. Before he can reveal his problem, Randall tells him that Kate lost the baby. This was a tease that many fans predicted, but it’s gut wrenching for Kevin, who had been ignoring all of her calls. Next week’s episode is bound to be equally sad with the focus now shifting to Kate’s story throughout the same day. Also, with Alexandra Breckenridge’s real life pregnancy, could Kevin be the new parent-to-be on the show? Sound off in the comments with your thoughts!