Brockmire recap: Make-up Game


Brockmire enters this week’s episode in the highest of spirits.

As Brockmire saunters into the podcast arena like a gladiator into the Collesium, the camera catches Jules slipping quietly through the door.

The moment all Brockmire fans have been waiting for has finally arrived. Brockmire will get another shot at an honest moment with Jules.

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She slammed the door in his face. Brockmire had flown all that way, and the only thing he could leave behind at Jules’ house for his troubles was that gift basket. It must have been a perfect game of a sales pitch. Jules has followed Brockmire back to New Orleans.

Jules has followed him through the door, as Brockmire enters his podcast domain with the airs of a newly crowned king. Somehow, Brockmire is connecting more with the millennial faces of the podcast world more than he is in touch with his dwindling baseball followers.

Brockmire is enthusiastic but terrified. He needs a monologue to serve as his starting point — his first step into the abyss of nostalgic alcoholism. With Jules in the crowd and Brockmire in need of suggestions, one intense soul yells out “the one that got away.” Even God went bottoms up on his bottle at the mere suggestion. Which one, Brockmire wonders, which friend, family member. He did just lose his father.

There is only one, “one that got away.” The moments and memories are pure; being in the same room as that person could actually help a drunk feel like he had something real, something worth being motivated. Most every drunk can take that opportunity and drink it away. When Brockmire bring up Molly Malone as the one that got away, Jules sank. The feelings are there. Brockmire’s mind is in the wrong moment.

Every romantic, drunk on love, wine or both, spends the rest of the days hoping for a moment — a moment that could bring it all back. The moment this older, wiser version of self can wax poetic and explain. Explain that yes, it is understood how short one fell of the mark required to keep that love. If there is one thing that could help though, it is Molly Malone.

“Molly Malone is the purest MDMA in existence,” Brockmire announces. Jules perked back up like a horny college kid walking up to their first rave, at the moment The Warmth takes over. She knocks on his dressing room door glowing. As soon as it opens she, the high wears off and reality sets in.

Why is she in New Orleans? Here to just to fly out, to Columbia, for winter ball? Flight leaves at midnight?! Why be cleansed, I’ll be a skinny Bartlo Colon is midnight isn’t practically tomorrow! Brockmire is thrilled. This could be his moment. Let’s get a drink he says!

Eww, no. Probably a bad idea. Jules has Joyce’d Brockmire’s splendidly planned Gala-ragga. She has other plans. No defeated, ol’ Jim must inquire. Jules wants Café Du Monde and just wanted to say hello. Besides, Brockmire must have an after show party to attend, right?

It is lonely, being drunk and only wanting fond memories of the past as present companions. Impossible as that may seem, one can hope. Until then, wait for the right moment. Brockmire had perfect timing on his pitch. The groupie wanting a romp had the worst. However, if Brockmire does not give her time to change her mind, Jules is still game for a tour around the New Orleans parks.

So besides the layover, why has Jules sought out Brockmire? Before she can answer Brockmire is again laying into his spiel, his declaration of wanting nothing more than Jules companionship. To be alive, here, at this moment, with her, is all he would dare hope for. That and for Jules to be honest about why she came to his dressing room door.

“Jim Brockmire Dead” is a popular Google notification apparently. In several time zones, and an urgent alert headline of “Jim Brockmire Dead” brought women running back to the Plaid Jacketed Provocateur.

Neither Lucy nor Jules can really bring themselves to hate Jim. Jules admits, she does not like the way Brockmire went about making his decision, but he made the decision everyone including Jules knew he would make. The women that really know Brockmire have only themselves to blame. Admitting that to themselves and admitting they do not hate Brockmire to the man himself is true progress. It sure is a rollercoaster of emotions.

Jules has had to lean into a few more choices. Her old team now carries an oil moniker mascot. The irony is not lost on Brockmire that the one thing killing the old is being used to prop up the hollow new corpse of a team. But while the team lives on in spirit, and thanks to 2 for 1 faked orgasm drinks, Dale has died. Meth kills even before it is done cooking. Risky business model when missed with a gas siphoning enterprise.

Receiving this news in a swanky NOLA establishment, Brockmire decides to drop his meth fire of a question into the conversation. Yes, Jules has been on a few dates but nothing approaching the levels of Brockmire’s rebound renaissance. It is mostly transactional because replacing Jules was always inconceivable, but it is an honest frolic with a willing groupie.

Like a one night stand with a groupie, thinking about whether to skip out on her flight to stay in New Orleans could be a mistake. But we aren’t thinking about it. Brockmire and Jules are getting beignets. This could actually steer towards romantic.

Walking into a livelier dive, Brockmire announces to the barkeep he will need a pint of white zen for the lady and usual, double, for himself. The bartend will be kept busy, and how romantic is a snail race on a bar stool anyways? Also, where is the restroom and was it clean enough for sex?

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While Jules is away freshening up Charles shows up. He just knew Brockmire was trying to impress a potential gift basket candidate post-podcast. He just did not know it was Jules, so even though there was bad news about the Atlanta job, spirits remain high.

The chemistry is feeling Major League, but Jules alcohol tolerance is minor league comparatively. With Brockmire in New Orleans, he has reached his imbibing Peak with maximum efficiency. He is knocking life out of the park — podcast and all. People actually like him more when he is drunk, which is what all alcoholics wish to achieve.  It helps with group acceptance.

Brockmire knows now that New Orleans is his spiritual home. New Orleans is already home, and Jules has fallen in love. With New Orleans. Jules made a mistake for a night, but is not even the morning after the throws of passion would she profess her love to Brockmire. Especially not with their breakup history.

Brockmire is still in the moment. Being around Jules creates a new Brockmire that is more engaged and intense than usual. Brockmire shows a shred of compassion and is able to throw out emotional analogies that just nick the outside part of the plate. Brockmire is in his moment with Jules, and it is that profound moment that makes a man feel like a champion of love and the universe. There is no limit to how great it feels to be back with Jules, in the fancy off-site hotel for a special taste of strange.

Whitney wants to go with Raj, and this is not hard news to take. Whitney has been overruled, however. Brockmire is needed in Atlanta. Jules has to take the hard news again. Having just canceled her flight in the bathroom, she walks out to surprise Brockmire with more time together. In return, Brockmire announces he is on the next flight out.

Brockmire does not need to fly out immediately. Jules just changed her flight after Brockmire professed his profound epiphany of love. However, there is a process of reporting what people just saw with their own eyes, an art. That process requires a few days in a city like Basuiant.

The process of making this all work with little time for thought, well, Brockmire has to wing out a situation no one saw coming. He can push his flight. His pandering though has killed it. Jules wants a taxi more than she wants a favor from Brockmire. After all this, Jules will not even turn around. Why should she not keep walking out that door?

Beignets are a French dish with just fried bread and powdered sugar. Even without the French influences, thanks to Napolean, beignets are essential to New Orleans and would have been created here eventually. Nothing else soaks up a hang over like a good beignet.

The one thing that can make a hangover drag out is someone who will not shut up about the most mundane of trivias. The lack of caffeine in chicory coffee is a degradation of pure premium roast coffee. The lack of silence is brutal. The confusion can be forgiven, chicory is really popular. Forgiveness from Jules may no longer be on the menu. She has realized he is never going to turn this part of his character off.

She also cannot turn off her worries about following Brockmire around to a new city every season. She has a life. She wants adventures, but she wants the mundane things that make a relationship truly visceral. She must have not really wanted those beignets though. The disrespect that shows to the Delta Sky Traveler Magazine editors is appalling, but not as bad as Brockmire again choosing to live a wandering baseball party over a life with Jules. His one true hon that got away.

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The waters are creeping up on Brockmire. The drinks are piling on with a tide of tension to breach a levee. This decision he made has highlighted his slow erosion of Brockmire’s hold on his sanity. He idealistic nature is a great philosophy podcast, but his guiding principles fall apart when facing a serious change.

Brockmire is angry with himself. He wants to burn it all down. His only real action though is an attempt at a nihilistic monologue in a bar where the conversation is supposed to be skipped. In the middle of his rant, the witty lady with quips brighter than her hair decides to give Brockmire a lesson in practical action and consequences. Every step this mysterious lady took built excitement for the second half of this season of Brockmire.

Brockmire airs Wednesday at 9 p.m. EST on IFC.